


Hook Man (SEASON ONE, EPISODE SEVEN)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon, Episode: s01e07 Hook Man, script
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 09:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6748012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam n' Dean help a hoe whose date became a sucka of tha "Hook Man," a gangbangin' hyped urban legend dat turns up ta be real, up in a lil' small-ass college hood somewhere up in Iowa. In order ta save her n' her father, tha local minister, tha brothers gotta find tha pimpz bones so they can fuck wit dem wild-ass muthafuckas. One tiny problem... they up in a unmarked grave</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

INT.- College Dorm Room

 **TAYLOR**  
Don’t do anythang I wouldn’t do.

 **LORI**  
There’s not a god damn thang you wouldn’t do.

Bitch leaves

 **TAYLOR**  
(smilin ta her muthafuckin ass) That’s true.

CUT TO: 9 Mile Road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! LORI’s boyfriend’s hoopty pulls up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Standin behind tha trees, there be a tall figure wit a hook.

 **LORI**  
I thought we was goin ta tha party.

 **RICH**  
Well, we can’t arrive on time.

CUT TO: INT.-RICH’s car

 **LORI**  
Yo ass know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d be thinkin you brought me here on purpose.

 **RICH**  
(feignin shock) What, biatch? I’m offended.

 **LORI**  
(sarcastically) Yeah, I’m sure.

They smile n' begin ta kiss. LORI’s cell beeper rings n' they reluctantly break away. Da calla ID say “Dad Calling”.

 **RICH**  
Yo ass wanna git that?

 **LORI**  
Definitely not. (Bitch shuts tha ringer off. They resume kissing, n' RICH put his hand under LORI’s halta strap. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch pulls away n' moves his hand.) No.

 **RICH**  
It’s ok.

LORI looks uncomfortable. Outside, tha figure wit tha hook is movin slowly up from tha trees. Back inside tha car, RICH begins humpin' LORI’s neck n' puts his hand back under her strap. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch looks even mo' uncomfortable n' pulls away.

 **LORI**  
Yo, I mean dat shit.

They hear a funky-ass bangin screechin noise. Outside, tha playa is draggin his hook along a Dead End sign.

 **LORI**  
(lookin around) What was that?

 **RICH**  
I don’t know.

They hear tha same sound. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da playa is shown draggin his hook along a sign dat say 9 Mile Road.

 **RICH**  
What tha fuck iz that, biatch?

Dude opens tha hoopty door.

 **LORI**  
No! Rich, no!

 **RICH**  
Fuck dat shit, just wait here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

Dude gets outta tha hoopty n' shuts tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. LORI looks terrified. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Outside, RICH is lookin round when dat schmoooove muthafucka hears mo' screechin yo. Dude turns ta peep a long-ass scratch bein made on tha side of his hoopty yo, but tha Hook Man is invisible.

 **RICH**  
What tha hell?

 **LORI**  
Rich, let’s go! (Da back tire gets punctured. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch screams.) Rich, biatch? (Bitch looks around yo, but Rick aint outside.) Rich! (Bitch rolls up tha windows n' locks dem wild-ass muthafuckas.) Rich, where is yo slick ass, biatch? (Bitch suddenly hears scratchin n' bangin on tha roof. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch screams n' jumps tha fuck into tha backseat on tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da noise stops. LORI is breathang heavily.) Ok ok¼

Bitch gets outta tha hoopty n' starts ta run away when dat dunkadelic hoe turns round n' sees RICH yo. Dude is suspended from a tree, upside down, above tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. LORI screams n' tha screen fades ta black.


	2. ACT ONE

CUT TO: An outdoor café. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is on a payphone.

 **SAM  
** Alright, fuck you fo' yo' time. (Dude hangs up n' strutts back ta tha table. DEAN is hustlin all up in tha laptop.

 **DEAN  
** Your, uh, half-caf, double vanilla latte is gettin’ cold over here, Frankie.

 **SAM  
** Bite mah dirty ass.

Dude sits down.

 **DEAN  
** So, anything, biatch?

SAM shakes his head.

 **SAM  
** I had ‘em check tha STD’s Missin Persons Data Bank. No Jizzy Doe’s fittin Dad’s description. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I even ran his thugged-out lil' plates fo' traffic violations.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, I’m tellin’ ya, I don’t be thinkin Dad wants ta be found. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! (SAM looks pissed tha fuck off.) Peep dis out. (Dude shows SAM a article on tha computa bout RICH’s dirtnap.) It’s a shizzle item outta Planes Courier n' shiznit fo' realz. Ankeny, Iowa. It’s only on some hundred milez from here.

 **SAM  
** (reading) “Da mutilated body was found near tha victim’s car, parked on 9 Mile Road.”

 **DEAN  
** Keep reading.

 **SAM  
** “Authoritizzles is unable ta provide a realistic description of tha killa n' shit. Da sole eyewitness, whose name has been withheld, is quoted as sayin tha attacker was invisible.”

 **DEAN  
** Could be suttin' interesting.

 **SAM  
** Or it could be not a god damn thang at all. One freaked up witnizz whoz ass didn’t peep anything, biatch? Don’t mean it’s tha Invisible Man.

 **DEAN  
** But what tha fuck if it is, biatch? Dad would check it out.

CUT TO: SAM n' DEAN driving. They stop all up in tha fraternitizzle where RICH lived. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da other frat brothers is confused. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM n' DEAN git outta tha car.

 **SAM  
** One mo' time, why is our crazy asses here?

 **DEAN  
** Victim lived here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. (They strutt up ta some muthafuckas fixin a cold-ass lil car.) Sick wheels. (They peep his ass strangely.) We’re yo' fraternitizzle brothers. From Ohio. We’re freshly smoked up in town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Transfers. Lookin fo' a place ta stay.

Dude grins.

CUT TO: INT.- Fraternitizzle dorm room.

A shirtless frat pimp up in yellow shorts is paintin his wild lil' grill n' body purple. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN knock on his fuckin lil' door.

 **FRAT BOY  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass?

 **DEAN  
** We’re yo' freshly smoked up roommates. (Dude smilez n' strutts over ta tha boy. Da pimp holdz tha brush n' paint can up ta DEAN.) FRAT BOY: Do me a gangbangin' favor, biatch? Git mah back. Big game todizzle.

 **DEAN  
** (pointin ta SAM) He’s tha artist. Things his schmoooove ass can do wit a funky-ass brush. (SAM, mortified, takes tha brush n' can. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. DEAN sits on a cold-ass lil chair n' picks up a magazine.) So (Dude looks all up in tha name on tha magazine) Murph. Is it true?

 **MURPH  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Our thugged-out asses heard one of tha muthafuckas round here gots capped last week.

 **MURPH  
** (sadly) Yeah.

 **SAM  
** What happened?

 **MURPH  
** They’re sayin some psycho wit a knife. Maybe a thugged-out drifta passin all up in cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Rich was a phat muthafucka.

 **SAM  
** Rich da thug was wit some muthafucka?

 **MURPH  
** Not just some muthafucka. Lori Sorensen.

 **DEAN  
** Who’s Lori Sorensen, biatch? (to SAM) Yo ass missed a spot. Just down there on tha back.

SAM looks annoyed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN grins.

 **MURPH  
** Lori’s a gangbangin' freshman. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. She’s a local. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Supa hot fo' realz. And git this: she’s a reverend’s daughter.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass wouldn’t happen ta know which church, would ya?

CUT TO: INT.- church

 **REVEREND  
** Our hearts go up ta tha crew of a lil' playa whoz ass perished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And mah underground lyrics of props go up as well cuz I believe da ruffneck took a dirt nap tryin ta protect mah daughter n' shit. (LORI looks embarrassed.) And now, as time heals all our wounds, we should reflect on what tha fuck dis fuck up means. To us, as a cold-ass lil church. (SAM n' DEAN enta n' tha door slams behind dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Da congregation goes silent n' turns ta peep them) as a cold-ass lil hood, n' as a cold-ass lil crew. Da loss of a lil' thug is particularly tragic fo' realz. A game unlived is tha saddest of passings. (SAM n' DEAN sit tha fuck down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. LORI stares at SAM, n' da perved-out muthafucka smilez weakly at her muthafuckin ass.) So, please, let our asses pray. For peace, fo' guidance, n' fo' tha juice ta protect our lil' thugs.

Everyone bows they head up in prayer, except DEAN. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM elbows him, n' DEAN, noticin any suckas, do tha same.

CUT TO: EXT.- church. Da Mass has ended.

 **LORI  
** I can’t. It’s Sundizzle night.

 **TAYLOR  
** It’s just our asses hoes. We’re gonna do tequila shots n' peep Realitizzle Bites.

 **LORI  
** My fuckin daddy make dinner every last muthafuckin Sundizzle night.

 **TAYLOR  
** Come on, Lori. I know dis has been hard yo, but yo ass be allowed ta have fun.

 **LORI  
** I’ll try.

TAYLOR rolls her eyes.

 **TAYLOR  
** Shut tha fuck up.

They gangbang n' TAYLOR leaves. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN strutt up ta LORI.

 **SAM  
** Is you Lori?

 **LORI  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** Hoes call me Sam. This is mah brother, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

DEAN waves

 **DEAN  
** Hi.

 **SAM  
** Us playas just transferred here ta tha university.

 **LORI  
** I saw you inside.

 **SAM  
** Us dudes don’t wanna bother you, biatch. Us playas just heard bout what tha fuck happened and...

 **DEAN  
** Us thugs wanted ta say how tha fuck sorry we were.

 **SAM  
** I kind of know what tha fuck you’re goin all up in cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. I-I saw one of mah thugs..get hurt once. It’s suttin' you don’t forget.

LORI nodz slightly. REV. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SORENSEN strutts up ta dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **LORI  
** Dad, um, dis is Sam n' Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They’re freshly smoked up hustlas.

DEAN shakes tha reverend’s hand.

 **DEAN  
** It’s a pleasure ta hook up you, sir. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I must say, dat was a inspirin sermon.

 **REVEREND  
** Nuff props straight-up much. It’s so sick ta find lil' playas whoz ass is open ta tha Lord’s message.

DEAN chuckles.

 **DEAN  
** Listen, uh, we’re freshly smoked up in town, actually. (Dude leadz REV. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SORENSEN away from SAM n' LORI.) And, uh, we was lookin fo' a, um, a cold-ass lil church group. (They muthafuckin bounce.) SAM: Tell me, Lori. What is tha five-o saying, biatch?

Dude starts struttin wit her muthafuckin ass.

 **LORI  
** Well, they don’t gotz a shitload ta go on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I be thinkin they blame me fo' that.

 **SAM  
** What do you mean?

 **LORI  
** My fuckin story. I was so scared, I guess I was “seein thangs”.

They stop strutting.

 **SAM  
** That don’t mean it wasn’t real. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

They peep each other fo' all dem seconds.

CUT TO: INT.- library.

 **DEAN  
** So you believe her?

 **SAM  
** I do.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I be thinkin she’s hot, like a muthafucka.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, dude, there’s suttin' up in her eyes fo' realz. And dig this: dat freaky freaky biatch heard scratchin on tha roof. Found tha bloody body suspended upside down over tha car.

 **DEAN  
** Wait, tha body suspended, biatch? That soundz like the-

 **SAM  
** Yeah, I know, tha Hook Man legend.

 **DEAN  
** That’s one of da most thugged-out hyped urban legendz eva n' shit. Yo ass don’t be thinkin dat we’re dealin wit tha Hook Man.

 **SAM  
** Every urban legend has a source fo' realz. A place where all dat shiznit fuckin started.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah yo, but what tha fuck bout tha phantom scratches n' tha tire punctures n' tha invisible killer?

 **SAM  
** Well, maybe tha Hook Man isn’t a playa at all. What if it’s some kind of spirit?

CUT TO: DEAN n' SAM at a table up in tha library. Da librarian places all dem big-ass boxes up in front of dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **LIBRARIAN  
** Here you go fo' realz. Arrest recordz goin back ta 1851. (DEAN blows some dust off a funky-ass box n' coughs.) DEAN: Thanks.

 **LIBRARIAN  
** Shut tha fuck up.

Bitch strutts away.

 **DEAN  
** So, dis is how tha fuck you dropped four phat muthafuckin yearz of yo' game, huh?

 **SAM  
** Yo, wuz crackalackin', biatch? Yo ass is smokin higher ejaculation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

They begin reading.

CUT TO: Hours later n' shit. They is still looking.

 **SAM  
** Yo, check dis out. 1862 fo' realz. A preacher named Jacob Karns was caught at it fo' cappin' n' shit. Looks like da thug was so mad salty over tha red light district up in hood dat one night he capped 13 hoes. Uh, right here, “some of tha deceased was found up in they bed, sheets soaked wit blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Others suspended upside down from tha limbz of trees as a warnin against sinz of tha flesh.”

 **DEAN  
** (lookin at another page) Git this, tha cappin' weapon, biatch? Looks like tha preacher lost his hand up in a accident yo. Had it replaced wit a silver hook.

SAM points ta another page.

 **SAM  
** Look where all dis happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

DEAN reads.

 **DEAN  
** 9 Mile Road.

 **SAM  
** Same place where tha frat pimp was capped.

 **DEAN  
** (impressed) Sick thang, Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Venkmen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Let’s check it out.

SAM gathers all tha research n' they muthafuckin bounce.

CUT TO: LORI’s sorority. REV. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. REVEREND SORENSEN pulls up in tha driveway.

INT.- car

 **LORI  
** I know dis is yo' last time straight-up livin ridin' solo since Momma died.

 **REV. SORENSEN  
** That’s not dat shit. I worry bout you, biatch.

 **LORI  
** There is 22 hoes up in there n' perfectly safe.

 **REV. SORENSEN  
** That’s exactly what tha fuck I’m worried about. Yo ass don’t be thinkin I know what tha fuck goes on up in there?

 **LORI  
** Dad, do we gotta have dis argument again, biatch? I’m over 18. I can live mah own game.

 **REV. SORENSEN  
** Oh, which means, drinking, partyin wit dat roommate of yours!

 **LORI  
** I’m a adult. I can take care of mah dirty ass. Dope night. (Bitch gets outta tha car.)

 **REV. SORENSEN  
** Lori. Lori, come- Lori!

Bitch slams tha door n' leaves.

CUT TO: INT.- LORI’s sororitizzle building. LORI is struttin up tha stairs n' stops at a girl’s bedroom doorway. There be a long-ass scratch on tha wall leadin up ta tha doorway. Inside, tha hoe is hustlin at her computer n' shit. LORI ignores it n' strutts tha fuck into her bedroom. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch be bout ta turn on tha light when her big-ass booty sees TAYLOR chillin n' stops her muthafuckin ass.

 **LORI  
** Taylor, you awake, biatch?

TAYLOR don’t wake up. LORI leaves her ridin' solo n' goes tha fuck into her bathroom ta git locked n loaded fo' bed.

CUT TO: 9 Mile Road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN n' SAM drive up n' git outta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN opens tha trunk n' handz SAM a rifle.

 **DEAN  
** Here you go.

 **SAM  
** If it aint nuthin but a spirit, buckshot won’t do much good.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, rock salt.

Dude handz it ta SAM.

 **SAM  
** Huh. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Salt bein a spirit deterrent.

DEAN takes up a cold-ass lil coil of rope n' shuts tha trunk.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Well shiiiit, it won’t bust a cap up in ‘em. But it’ll slow ‘em down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

They start struttin towardz tha trees.

 **SAM  
** That’s pretty good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Yo ass n' Dad be thinkin of this?

 **DEAN  
** I holla'd at you, biatch. Yo ass don’t gotta be a cold-ass lil college graduate ta be a smart-ass .

They hear noises among tha trees n' stop strutting. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM raises his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' looks around.

 **DEAN  
** (whispering) Over there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Over there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

Sam aims tha glock n' cocks it fo' realz. A figure comes up from behind tha trees. Well shiiiit, it aint nuthin but a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass sheriff.

 **SHERIFF  
** Put tha glock down now! Now! Put yo' handz behind yo' head.

 **DEAN  
** W-w-wait, aiiight, aiiight!

 **SHERRIFF  
** Now git down on yo' knees. Come on, do dat shiznit son! On yo' knees muthafucka! (They git down.) Now git down on yo' bellies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! Come on, do dat shiznit son!

 **DEAN  
** Dude had tha gun!

They lay down.

CUT TO: LORI n' TAYLOR’s bedroom. LORI comes outta tha bathroom up in her pajamas, watches TAYLOR shift up in her chill, n' gets tha fuck into bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da camera pans over ta tha open closet, where tha Hook Man is peeped waiting.

CUT TO: LORI’s bedroom. Morning. LORI rolls over up in her bed n' opens her eyes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch sees a puddle of blood on tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da camera moves up n' shows blood drippin from TAYLOR’s bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! TAYLOR is shown, dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. There is blood all over dis biiiatch.

 **LORI  
** Oh mah Dogg.

Bitch screams. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch looks on tha wall near TAYLOR’s bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Written up in blood is tha lyrics “Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on tha light?” Underneath tha lyrics be a big-ass cross wit four smalla crosses surroundin it, also freestyled up in blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! LORI screams n' tha screen goes black.


	3. ACT TWO

CUT TO: EXT.- CALUMET CO. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SHERIFF’S DEPT. DEAN n' SAM is leaving.

 **DEAN  
** Saved yo' ass muthafucka! Talked tha sheriff down ta a gangbangin' fine. Dude, I be Matlock.

 **SAM  
** But how?

 **DEAN  
** I holla'd at his ass you was a thugged-out dumbass pledge n' dat we was hazin you, biatch.

 **SAM  
** What bout tha shotgun?

 **DEAN  
** I holla'd dat you was hustlin pimps n' tha spirits was repelled by rock salt. Yo ass know, typical Hell Week prank.

 **SAM  
** And his thugged-out lil' punk-ass believed yo slick ass?

 **DEAN  
** Well, you be lookin like a thugged-out dumbass pledge.

Secondz later, nuff muthafuckin sheriffs run outta tha buildin n' speed away up in five-o cars. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN exchange a look.

CUT TO: EXT.- LORI’s sororitizzle building. LORI is wrapped up in a funky-ass blanket, chillin up in tha back of a parked ambulance. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN drive by n' peep her muthafuckin ass.

 **REV. SORENSEN  
** I just wanna take her home.

 **SHERIFF  
** I KNOW that, Reverend yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. But Lori’s now connected ta two murders, n' I can’t ignore that.

 **REV. SORENSEN  
** Listen ta mah dirty ass fo' realz. Arrest her now, or let me take her home.

Da sheriff be thinkin bout it fo' a second.

 **SHERIFF  
** Make shizzle she’s available fo' questioning.

 **REV. SORENSEN  
** Nuff props, biatch. (Dude strutts over ta LORI.) Sweetheart, you locked n loaded ta bounce back ta tha doggy den, biatch?

Bitch standz up n' starts struttin wit his muthafuckin ass. DEAN n' SAM park they hoopty on another street. They git up n' strutt round ta tha back of LORI’s sorority.

 **SAM  
** Why would tha Hook Man come here, biatch? This be a long-ass way from 9 Mile Road.

 **DEAN  
** Maybe he’s not hustlin tha scene of his crime. Maybe it’s bout suttin' else. (Two sororitizzle hoes come up tha side entrizzle of tha buildin yo, but they don’t peep SAM n' DEAN. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN lean against tha side of tha doggy den next ta some bushes ta hide theyselves.) Dude, sororitizzle girls muthafucka! Think we’ll peep a naked pillow fight, biatch?

Dude turns round n' sees SAM tryin ta climb onto tha balcony of tha house. DEAN helps his ass up n' then climbs up his dirty ass. Once they is up there, they sneak up in LORI’s window. DEAN seems ta fall on top of SAM by gettin up in tha window.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, sorry!

 **SAM  
** Be on tha fuckin' down-low.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass be on tha fuckin' down-low!

 **SAM  
** Yo ass be on tha fuckin' down-low!

CUT TO: INT.- LORI’s strutt-in closet. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM opens tha door slightly n' sees another sheriff leavin tha bedroom. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM waits until tha sheriff goes downstairs n' then opens tha closet door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Once up in LORI’s bedroom, SAM n' DEAN peep tha freestylin on tha wall.

 **SAM  
** “Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on tha light?” That’s right outta tha legend.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, that’s funky-ass Hook Man all right. (Dude taps his nose.) It’s definitely a spirit, n' I aint talkin bout no muthafuckin Jack Daniels neither.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, I’ve never smelled ozone dis phat before. (DEAN moves over ta tha window.) Yo, come here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. (DEAN strutts over ta SAM. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM points ta tha cross symbol beneath tha writing.) Do dat look familiar ta yo slick ass?

CUT TO: DEAN n' SAM next ta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They is lookin at a picture of tha cross symbol dat they found durin they research.

 **SAM  
** It’s tha same ol' dirty symbol. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seems like it is tha spirit of Jacob Karns.

 **DEAN  
** All right, let’s find tha dude’s grave, salt n' burn tha bones, n' put his ass down.

 **SAM  
** (reading) “Afta execution, Jacob Karns was laid ta rest up in a Oldskool Uptown Cemetery. In a unmarked grave.”

They both look annoyed.

 **DEAN  
** Super.

 **SAM  
** Shut tha fuck up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So we know it’s Jacob Karns. But we still don’t know where he’ll manifest next. Or why.

 **DEAN  
** I’ll take a wild guess bout why. I be thinkin yo' lil playa Lori has suttin' ta do wit all dis bullshit.

They git up in tha car.

CUT TO: INT.- college party. DEAN strutts up ta SAM.

 **SAM  
** Hey.

 **DEAN  
** Man, you’ve been holdin up on mah dirty ass. This college thang is phat biaaatch!

Dude winks n' smilez at a passin girl.

 **SAM  
** This wasn’t straight-up mah experience.

 **DEAN  
** Let me guess. Libraries, studying, straight A’s, biatch? (SAM nods.) What a geek fo' realz. Alright, you do yo' homework, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Dat shiznit was buggin me, right, biatch? So how tha fuck is tha Hook Man tied up wit Lori, biatch? So I be thinkin I came up wit something.

Dude unravels a piece of paper.

 **DEAN  
** 1932\. Clergyman arrested fo' cappin' n' shit. 1967. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seminarian held up in hippie rampage.

 **SAM  
** There’s a pattern here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. In both cases, tha suspect was a playa of religion whoz ass openly preached against immoralitizzle fo' realz. And then found his dirty ass wanted fo' cappinz his schmoooove ass fronted was tha work of a invisible force. Killings carried out-get this-with a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass sharp instrument.

 **DEAN  
** What’s tha connection ta Lori?

 **SAM  
** A playa of religion, biatch? Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck openly preaches against immorality, biatch? (DEAN suddenly understands.) Except maybe dis time, instead of savin tha whole town, he’s just tryin ta save his only daughter.

 **DEAN  
** Reverend Sorensen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass be thinkin he’s summonin tha spirit?

 **SAM  
** Maybe. Or, you know how tha fuck a poltergeist can haunt a thug instead of a place?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, tha spirit latches onto tha reverend’s repressed emotions, feedz off them, yeah, aiiight.

 **SAM  
** Without tha reverend eva even knowin dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Either way, you should keep a eye on Lori tonight.

SAM nods.

 **SAM  
** What bout yo slick ass, biatch?

DEAN looks at a bangin blonde smilin at his ass by tha pool table.

 **DEAN  
** (reluctantly) I’m gonna go peep if I can find dat unmarked grave.

Dude looks all up in tha blonde again, shakes his head up in disappointment, n' strutts away.

CUT TO: Oldskool Uptown Cemetery. Night. DEAN is lookin round wit a gangbangin' flashlight yo. Dude comes across a headstone dat is engraved wit tha cross symbol.

 **DEAN  
** Here we go.

Dude strutts over ta it

CUT TO: EXT.- REV. SORENSEN’s house. Through tha window, SAM can peep LORI n' her daddy jumpin off bout some shiznit inside.

CUT TO: Oldskool Uptown Cemetery. DEAN has been diggin all up in tha unmarked grave fo' a while.

 **DEAN  
** That’s dat shit. Next time, I git ta peep tha thugged-out girl’s house. (Dude breaks all up in tha wooden floor of tha grave n' sees Jacob Karns’ remains.) Yo muthafucka, preacher n' shit.

Dude throws his shovel aside.

CUT TO: EXT.- REV. SORENSEN’s house. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM watches REV. SORENSEN turn up tha light n' leave tha room. LORI comes outside n' sits down next ta his ass on a funky-ass bench.

 **LORI  
** I saw you from upstairs. What is you bustin here? SAM: I’m keepin a eye on tha place.

LORI looks at his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** I was worried.

 **LORI  
** Bout me son?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry.

 **LORI  
** Fuck dat shit, it’s cool. I already called tha cops. (Bitch smiles. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM laughs.) Fuck dat shit, seriously. I be thinkin you’re dope. Which is probably why you should run away from me as fast as you can.

 **SAM  
** Why would you say that, biatch?

 **LORI  
** It’s like I’m cursed or something. Muthafuckas round mah crazy ass keep dying.

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin I know how tha fuck you feel.

CUT TO: Oldskool Uptown Cemetery. DEAN takes all dem shit outta his bag yo. Dude pours salt n' lighta fluid on tha preacher’s bones then lights a match.

 **DEAN  
** Peace out, preacher n' shit.

Dude throws tha match tha fuck into tha grave n' watches tha bones burn tha fuck into flames

CUT TO: EXT.- REV. SORENSEN’s house.

 **LORI  
** No one will rap ta me no mo'. Except you, biatch. Da sheriff be thinkin I’m a suspect fo' realz. And you know what tha fuck mah daddy will say, biatch? Pray yo. Have faith. What do he know bout faith?

 **SAM  
** I heard you muthafuckas fightin before.

 **LORI  
** He’s seein a biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. A hooked up biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I just found out. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch comes ta our church wit her homeboy. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I know her lil playas fo' realz. And tha pimpin' muthafucka talks ta me bout religion, biatch? Bout morality, biatch? It’s like, on one hand, you know, just do what tha fuck you want n' be horny. But tha pimpin' muthafucka taught me, raised mah crazy ass ta believe dat if you do suttin' wack yo big-ass booty is ghon git punished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I just don’t know what tha fuck ta be thinkin no mo'. (Bitch hugs SAM yo. Dude is slightly trippin yo, but dat schmoooove muthafucka hugs her back. They begin ta lick but SAM pulls away.) Sam?

 **SAM  
** Lori, I can’t.

 **LORI  
** That one of mah thugs you lost, biatch? (SAM stares at her) I’m sorry bout dat bullshit.

REV. SORENSEN comes outside.

 **REV. SORENSEN  
** Lori, biatch? Come inside, please.

 **LORI  
** (gettin mad salty) I’ll come up in when I’m ready.

Suddenly, tha Hook Man appears behind REV. SORENSEN n' puts his hook tha fuck into his shoulder n' shit. Da reverend screams n' tha Hook Man slams tha door shut. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM grabs his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' runs tha fuck into tha crib yo. Dude looks round n' hears REV. SORENSEN beatboxin upstairs.

 **REV. SORENSEN  
** (OS) No! Fuck dat shit, please biaaatch! No! (SAM runs upstairs n' sees tha reverend’s bedroom door shuttin yo. Dude runs tha fuck into tha bedroom n' sees tha Hook Man on top of REV. SORENSEN, bout ta put his hook tha fuck into tha reverend.) No! Fuck dat shit, no!

SAM blasts tha Hook Man up in tha side. Da Hook Man turns ta SAM, whoz ass blasts his ass again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Hook Man turns ta dust n' tha glock blast shattas tha bedroom window. LORI is hustlin up tha stairs.

 **LORI  
** Dad hommie! Dad hommie! (Bitch bursts all up in tha bedroom window n' kneels down next ta her dad.) Okay. It’s ok, Dad, it’s ok. It’s ok.

SAM watches dem as tha screen goes black.


	4. ACT THREE

CUT TO: INT.- hospitizzle. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. REV. SORENSEN is up in a hospitizzle bed n' LORI is standin by his side. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is poppin' off ta tha sheriff.

 **SAM  
** Us thugs was just rappin'. Then Lori’s daddy came up fo' realz. And then he rocked up.

 **SHERIFF  
** A big-ass man, biatch? Carryin a weapon, some kind of hook?

 **SAM  
** Yes, sir.

 **SHERIFF  
** Ever peeped his ass before?

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, sir.

 **SHERIFF  
** Son, it seems every last muthafuckin time I turn around, I’m seein you, biatch. I suggest you try ta stay outta shiznit.

 **SAM  
** Yes, sir. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

DEAN n' two sheriffs is struttin down tha hall.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, it’s aiiiight, I’m wit his muthafuckin ass yo. He’s mah brutha n' shit. (to SAM) Yo dawwwwg! Brutha playa!

SAM n' tha sheriff turn ta peep DEAN. DEAN smilez n' waves.

 **SHERIFF  
** Let his ass all up in cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce.

Da two sheriffs let DEAN through.

 **DEAN  
** Thanks. (Dude n' SAM strutt towardz each other.) Yo ass ok?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** What tha hell happened?

 **SAM  
** Hook Man.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass saw him?

 **SAM  
** Damn right. Why didn’t you torch tha bones?

 **DEAN  
** What is you poppin' off about, I done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass shizzle it’s tha spirit of Jacob Karns?

 **SAM  
** It shizzle as a muthafucka looked like his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. And that’s not all. I don’t be thinkin tha spirit is latchin on ta tha reverend.

 **DEAN  
** Well, yeah, tha muthafucka wouldn’t bust tha Hook Man afta his dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin it’s latchin onto Lori. Last night she found up her daddy is havin a affair wit a hooked up biatch.

 **DEAN  
** So what?

 **SAM  
** So she’s upset bout dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. She’s upset bout tha immoralitizzle of dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch holla'd at mah crazy ass dat biiiiatch was raised ta believe dat if you do suttin' wrong, you git punished.

 **DEAN  
** Ok, so she’s conflicted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time fo' realz. And tha spirit of Preacher Karns is latchin on ta repress tha emotions n' maybe he’s bustin tha punishin fo' her, huh?

 **SAM  
** Right. Rich comes on too strong, Tay-Tay tries ta make her tha fuck into a jam girl, Dad has a affair.

 **DEAN  
** Remind mah crazy ass not ta piss dis hoe off. But I burned dem bones, I buried dem up in salt, why didn’t dat stop him?

 **SAM  
** Yo ass must have missed something.

 **DEAN  
** No. I burned every last muthafuckin thang up in dat coffin.

 **SAM  
** Did yo dirty ass git tha hook?

 **DEAN  
** Da hook?

 **SAM  
** Well, dat shiznit was tha cappin' weapon, n' up in a way, dat shiznit was part of his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** So, like tha bones, tha hook be a source of his thugged-out lil' power.

 **SAM  
** So if we find tha hook...

 **SAM n' DEAN  
** We stop tha Hook Man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

They smile at each other.

CUT TO: INT.- library. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN is lookin all up in mo' papers.

 **DEAN  
** Here’s something, I think. Log book, Iowa State Penitentiary. (reading) Karns, Jacob. Personal affects: disposizzle thereof.

 **SAM  
** Do it mention tha hook?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, maybe. (reading) Upon execution, all earthly shit shall be remanded ta tha prisoner’s doggy den of worship, St. Barnabas Church.

 **SAM  
** Isn’t dat where Lori’s daddy preaches?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** Where Lori lives?

 **DEAN  
** Maybe that’s why tha Hook Man has been hustlin reverendz n' reverends’ daughtas fo' tha past 200 years.

 **SAM  
** Yeah yo, but if tha hook was all up in tha church or Lori’s house, don’t you be thinkin one of mah thugs might’ve peeped it, biatch? I mean, a funky-ass bloodstained, silver-handled hook?

 **DEAN  
** Peep tha church records.

CUT TO: INT.- library. They is still researching.

 **SAM  
** (reading) St. Barnabas donations, 1862. Received silver-handled hook from state penitentiary. Reforged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! (sighs) They melted it down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Made it tha fuck into suttin' else.

CUT TO: EXT.- St. Barnabas Church. DEAN n' SAM park tha hoopty n' git out.

 **DEAN  
** Alright, we can’t take any chances fo' realz. Anythang silver goes up in tha fire.

 **SAM  
** I agree. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, Lori’s still all up in tha hospitizzle. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. We’ll gotta break in.

 **DEAN  
** Alright, take yo' pick.

 **SAM  
** I’ll take tha house.

 **DEAN  
** Shut tha fuck up. (SAM begins struttin towardz REV. SORENSEN’s house.) Hey. (SAM turns around.) Stay outta her underwear drawer n' shit.

Dude strutts away.

CUT TO: INT.- St. Barnabas Church. Basement. DEAN is throwin every last muthafuckin thang silver tha fuck into tha fire. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM comes downstairs wit a ounce ta tha bounce of thangs from LORI’s house.

 **SAM  
** I gots every last muthafuckin thang dat even looked silver.

 **DEAN  
** Betta safe than sorry bout dat bullshit. (They throw every last muthafuckin thang tha fuck into tha fire. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly, they hear footsteps above dem wild-ass muthafuckas.) Move, move.

Dude takes his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' goes upstairs wit SAM.

CUT TO: INT.- St. Barnabas Church. Upstairs. DEAN n' SAM peep dat LORI is chillin up in a pew alone, crying. DEAN lowers his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' goes back downstairs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM strutts over ta LORI.

 **SAM  
** Lori?

 **LORI  
** What is you bustin here?

 **SAM  
** What tha fuck iz it?

 **LORI  
** I’ve been tryin ta KNOW what’s been happening. Why, biatch? Now I know so I’m prayin fo' forgiveness.

 **SAM  
** Forgivenizz fo' what?

 **LORI  
** Don’t you see, biatch? I’m ta blame fo' all all dis bullshit. I’ve read up in tha Bizzle bout avengin angels.

 **SAM  
** Trust me, dis muthafucka- he’s no angel.

 **LORI  
** I was so mad salty at mah daddy n' shit. Part of me wanted his ass punished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And then his schmoooove ass came n' he punished his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** It’s not yo' fault.

 **LORI  
** Yes, it is. I don’t know how tha fuck yo, but it is. (In tha back of tha church, tha Hook Man appears fo' a moment then disappears doggystyle.) I capped Rich. Taylor, like a muthafucka. I nearly capped mah father.

 **SAM  
** Lori...

 **LORI  
** I can peep it now, nahmeean, biatch? They didn’t deserve ta be punished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I do.

They hear a noise come from tha front of tha church. Da candlez all up in tha altar blow up n' tha screen fades ta black.


	5. ACT FOUR

FADE IN: LORI n' SAM up in tha church.

 **SAM  
** Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We gotta go. (Dude leadz her away n' opens tha door ta tha basement. But tha Hook Man is behind it n' pushes his hook all up in tha door.) Go! (SAM n' LORI run down tha aisle n' tha fuck into a funky-ass back room. Da Hook Man bigs up dem n' smashes tha glass of another door wit his hook yo. Dude swings at SAM all dem times but misses. Da Hook Man chases tha two of dem round tha room n' finally hooks SAM up in tha shoulder n' shiznit yo. Dude screams up in pain n' a invisible force drags LORI on her back across tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM runs over ta her muthafuckin ass.) Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass aiiight, biatch?

Da Hook Man appears n' knocks SAM backwardz tha fuck into a wall yo. Dude gets up n' maneuvers behind tha Hook Man, whoz ass is standin over LORI. DEAN suddenly entas wit his wild lil' freakadelic glock raised.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, drop!

SAM crouches down n' DEAN blasts tha Hook Man once yo. Dude disappears tha fuck into dust.

 **SAM  
** I thought we gots all tha silver.

 **DEAN  
** So did I.

 **SAM  
** Then why is da perved-out muthafucka still here?

 **DEAN  
** Well, maybe we missed something!

They look around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM notices a cold-ass lil cross phat gold rope dat LORI is bustin.

 **SAM  
** Lori, where did you git dat chain?

 **LORI  
** My fuckin daddy gave it ta mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Where’d yo' daddy git it?

 **LORI  
** Dude holla'd dat shiznit was a cold-ass lil church heirloom, he gave it ta me when I started school.

 **SAM  
** Is it silver?!

 **LORI  
** Yes muthafucka!

SAM rips tha chain off from round her neck. In tha hallway, tha Hook Man, whoz ass is now invisible, is bustin a long-ass scratch on tha wall. DEAN turns round ta peep dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Sam!

DEAN throws SAM tha rifle n' tha rock salt n' SAM tosses DEAN tha necklace. DEAN runs back downstairs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM aims tha glock all up in tha scratch dat is bein made n' blasts yo. Dude quickly reloadz tha glock wit rock salt.

CUT TO: Basement. DEAN runs downstairs n' throws LORI’s phat gold rope tha fuck into tha fire.

CUT TO: Upstairs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is still loadin tha glock wit his wild lil' fucked up hand n' shoulder n' shit. Da Hook Man appears n' knocks tha rifle outta SAM’s hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM n' LORI crawl tha fuck into tha corner n' peep tha Hook Man tower over dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

CUT TO: Basement. In tha fire, tha cross pendant breaks off tha chain n' melts.

CUT TO: Upstairs. Da Hook Man stops wit his hook up in tha air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da hook melts n' tha rest of his body burns tha fuck into nothing. DEAN runs upstairs ta make shizzle tha Hook Man is gone yo. Dude strutts over ta SAM n' LORI n' gives dem a knowin look. Da screen fades ta black.


	6. ACT FIVE

FADE IN: EXT.- St. Barnabus Church. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sheriffs is struttin round n' there be a ambulizzle parked outside.

 **SHERIFF  
** And you saw him, too, biatch? Da playa wit tha hook?

 **DEAN  
** Yes, I holla'd at you, we all saw his muthafuckin ass. We fought his ass off n' then he ran.

 **SHERIFF  
** And that’s all?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, that’s all.

 **SHERIFF  
** Listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass n' yo' brother-

 **DEAN  
** Oh, don’t worry, we’re leavin town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

Dude strutts over ta his car.

CUT TO: tha ambulance. LORI watches SAM finish gettin bandaged up.

 **LORI  
** Yo ass gonna be aiiight?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

Back all up in tha car, DEAN is watchin SAM n' LORI all up in his side view mirror.

 **LORI  
** I still don’t know what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But I do know you saved mah game. My fuckin father’s, like a muthafucka. Nuff props, biatch.

SAM nodz n' smiles. DEAN watches all up in tha mirror n' notices SAM just strutts away without another word. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM strutts ta tha hoopty n' gets in.

 **DEAN  
** We could stay.

SAM shakes his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN watches LORI lookin sad, all up in tha mirror yo. Dude shakes his head up in disappointment n' drives away. Da screen fades ta black.


End file.
